I think I died a long time ago.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
