My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
