last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
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Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize