hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
