Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
