are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
