I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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