Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
