do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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