I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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