i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
