Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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