Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
