maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
