No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
