did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
honey bunches of taint.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Text me some of your sweat
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
