It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
