He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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