I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
