I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
