It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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