my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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