im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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