I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
