if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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