I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
