I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You are the jesus of drinking
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
do nipples grow back?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
