Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
