Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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