My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
