He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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