and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
