his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
