There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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