I think I died a long time ago.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
