nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
