remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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