I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
