Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
