Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
