Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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