12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
