Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
