I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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