I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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