Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
