oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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