this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
