As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize