better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
