There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
