Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
