Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
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Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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