Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
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i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
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Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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