I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
ugly people sure do ruin things
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
