The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
