letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
3pm strippers are depressing
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
