you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
