We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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