There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
