I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
