Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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