he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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